Love

In my fantasy world, soul mates do exist. I actually constantly imagine who my soul mate might be, how I will meet him, what he will look like, and so on. I know this sounds foolish, but it makes me happy to think that there is some guy out there that was made to complete me, to be my other half. I am not so foolish to think that your husband should be your "everything" as the article says. I value my friends and family so much and would never be willing to give them up. In my experience, I am used to liking the guys who do not like me back but settling for the guys who like me more than I like them. I want to know what it feels like to love every part of someone, but in my experience with relationships, there have always been parts of the other person that I wish I could change, and I find myself in a constant internal battle of whether or not I should stay in the relationship. I know I have not had much experience with "mature" relationships, but knowing that there is someone out there who I could love every part of makes me wonder: "What is the point of trying to be with anyone until I meet that certain person?" I also have an issue with pining after a certain guy and then once I may "have" him, I do not want him anymore and almost instantly, I start to see all of the bad things about that person once I am in some sort of a relationship. But, if I ever ended it, I would immediately go back to only seeing the good things about him. I am obsessed with the thought of finding my soul mate and staying with that person forever, but in reality I freak out about committing to even a silly high school relationship. One thing that intrigues me about the quest for a soul mate is the thought of staying with that person until you grow old. This is illustrated in the song "Young and Beautiful" by Lana del Rey.The song goes: “Will you still love me / When I’m no longer young and beautiful? / Will you still love me / When I got nothing but my aching soul? / I know you will, I know you will” Another song that touches me is "Accidentally in Love" by the Counting Crows (even though I am not in love!). I recently have began a relationship with a guy who started out as one of my best friends and who I have known since 2nd grade. This song talk about how sometimes relationships happen by accident which is definitely true in this personal scenario. This previous summer I was involved with a different guy and spent a lot of my time being concerned with the relationship while hanging out as friends with the guy I am currently involved with. When the first relationship ended, my friend was so helpful to me and I guess that eventually led to us becoming more than friends. I just thought it was funny how I was so busy thinking about the one guy while right in front of my face, someone else was thinking about me. One thing that does bother me about soul mates is the idea of mutual feelings of love. It is incredibly hard to find someone who loves you as equally as you love them. Somebody always gives more or needs more to/from the other person. I am terrified that I may find someone who is my "idea" of a soul mate but I am not theirs and they might think that they are just "settling" for me. This feeling is evident in the song "All Alone in Love" by Mariah Carey: "You haunt me in my dreams I'm calling out your name I watch you fade away And then your love is not the same I've figured out your style To quickly drift apart You held me for a while Planned it from the start All alone in love" One more song that touched me is "The Gold Standard" by Fall Out Boy. This song talks about being afraid to let your love show. They sing: "I want to scream I love you from the top of my lungs, but I'm afraid that someone else will hear me." I have felt this sometimes in a lesser way. I have felt this about being uncomfortable to show a lot of affection in public, or PDA. I have always wanted to be able to not care at all about what other people think of me and my relationships, but of course, that is much harder than it seems.